Wow, I have 4 fans!
That rocks my small and insignificant world... In some way that makes me smile and I feel as though I may have made a difference in someone's world. I opened the old girl this afternoon just to take a gander at how my world used to look. Things have taken a drastic turn. I now have one loyal follower and four brave fans.
Let's see, I'm now 36, I left Northern Virginia for the outback of Southwest Florida to babysit appliances in someone else's house (like an idiot). Long story...as usual. I should say that I ran away from home, but running would mean that there was no real premeditation. There had to be some planning involved. Not much, but some.
If you were following the madness in my world, J, the man that was desperately trying to make me lose my mind was left behind. It still bothers me slightly (J, don't flatter yourself if you're reading this). Only because I feel stupid.
I'm not sure that anyone ever sees emotional abuse coming. Like a ground fog, it just seeps in and the next thing you know, there isn't any visibility at all. And it really is all encompassing because you end up wondering how one moment you're seeing so far ahead into your own future and the next moment nothing is clear at all.
I was raised by very powerful and empowering women and have never been in a situation where I have allowed that power to be taken from me. Both emotionally and physically. I am still reconciling what happened, wanting to know the reasons why he did what he did. If it happened once, it would have been excusable, but it was over and over. Made worse by alcohol.
The final straw; The boots. A beautiful pair of Frye boots that I couldn't have bought on my own. That's right fans... We didn't share anything, keep that in mind, no shared finances. He made TONS of money and I had NOTHING! Well, J bought me the boots. And I made the mistake of canceling a trip that he paid for because spending the weekend with him, well, not pleasant. To Vegas. He actually only paid for part of it. I lost on it too. Vegas. I really didn't see that being a winning situation. Anyway, he races home to beat me to the boots and I tell him that they're inside the door. Three days later they're still in the box. Inside the door. I ask J if he's going to let me have them. His answer, "I'm waiting to see if you deserve them".
Huh? Let me go grab a Q-tip... I think I may have something really BIG in my ear. Like an elephant! DESERVE, huh!!!! Yes, that's what he said. So, I took a deep breath and that was that. I would have slept on the street. He had called me the help a couple of nights before and I was a little peeved. But this one just took it!
He may have money, but I have normalcy and truth. He will always be a liar. Always.
So, what next for me... I have a new blog... Shhhh, it's on yahoo. just_jenn is my yahoo name. I am applying to school here just to be getting an education. This area is nice.
As for men. Nope. I'm good for now. I think I've been damaged enough for 36 years. It's time for a rest. There are plenty of old ladies that need roommates here and company. If you're ever in the Ft. Myers, Fl are keep your eyes open for the short-haired girl with the big goofy smile. That's me.
Come visit me on Yahoo.
