Once A Liar, Always A Liar....

To say that I am from one place would be like saying that Baskin Robbins has only ONE flavor...It would be a gross misrepresentation of the product. I am from all over and have lived in quite a few places. Right now I call Northern Virginia the place that I hang my hat. However, my home(s) will always be Vermont and Upstate New York.

I need to clarify the "Upstate" part of that. It's not Albany, or Syracuse....It's UP-state. Close to Canada-A. Plattsburgh, Keeseville area....That far UPSTATE. Albany is the halfway point for me:)

Anyway, I headed home for a visit today and left J at home to do his own thing...If you have Asperger's, or have a spouse with it, trust issues can be a bitch! Things with J and I didn't start off well, so it's always going to be rocky in that department. As far as Asperger's is concerned this would go in the File called: Relationships 101 and Trust Issues and How to Deal With Them

1. If you have lied to your partner in the past, they will always think you are lying. The past defines the future because in their world things never change. Ask them if their likes have changed very much?

2. If they don't trust you and you would like to regain their trust, do what you say you are going to do! DUH! This should be a no brainer people! We are very concrete. If you say that you are going to call your Significant Other, CALL YOUR SO! If you just can't get to the 'phone then have a good reason.

I got to Keeseville in good time and I thought that J would have been curious to see that I was there safely...After all, he had said how worried he was about the weather and that he was going to miss me so much Blah, Blah, blah....

3. AS Partners watch actions very carefully because we can't truly "read" people as well as NT's can. If your actions don't match your words it will usually send up some red flags.

So, I called him. He was getting dinner. And had had a nap...He couldn't really hear me because the reception on my end was bad so could he take his dinner back to the house and call me back....

And he didn't. Now, my brain has a tendency to replay the lovely times that we had when we dated. And I couldn't get a hold of him. And he said he was sleeping, or didn't hear the 'phone etc. Lies, all of them. And I remember. Go Asperger's!

4. Most people diagnosed with AS have a memory that is like a tape recorder for dialogue. Be careful what you say, it will be remembered and repeated to you. It will also hurt us forever and change us deeply.

So, he lies....He promised me that he would never lie again and I don't believe him.

I pinged him on his Blackberry and he received it....Then ignored me. He called me at 10pm. Once a liar, always a liar.

Moldy Oldies....The Vacation:0

We've been away at the beach for a week....which was an interesting "vacation"....You may know someone with Asperger's if your vacation looks like mine;

You always go to the same place....Or at least a similar place.
The place you stay must be an atmosphere that is as clean, or cleaner than your home.
The same routine must be able to be maintained, to a point.

J was lovely enough to book a bungalow at Virginia Beach consciously keeping in mind that I have a few quirks....I don't like crowds, noise etc. and I like to have my daughter with me. This bungalow could house the three of us and the the dog....Oh happy day....

These bungalows are right on a quiet, private beach where there is no boardwalk, no crowds and we were going to be there during the week...Perfect for retarded ole me! So, we get to VA beach a bit early and I call to see if we can check in a bit early....YAY, one's ready!! As we're standing at the desk, the lady keeps saying that the bungalows are "old"...

"Old, what do you mean by old?" I reply.

"Well, they're World War 2 era, so the floors are a little creaky", she says.

That's it. I tell her that that's ok. We have creaky floors, no biggie. Then she mentions the early departure fee.

Over and over and over.....This should have been a HUGE clue.....EARLY Departure fee.....why would we want to depart early.....Maybe because

IT SUCKS!!!!

I'll admit it; I'm a bit picky, if I'm paying for a hotel, bungalow, whatever I like it to be CLEAN! Mold free....have a television larger than my laptop screen......


J says I complain too much....We weren't given anything here, he paid for this mold infested, cracker-box. I may have kept my mouth shut if they would have said "Oh, no it's on us!"

There weren't even light blocking curtains....not that I care....I'm up at the crack of dawn anyway....But I know that he likes to sleep.

So, am I picky....Yes, when I'm paying for it....I expect it to be clean, neat and in good working order. This was none of those things. I should be comfortable, at least as comfortable as I am in my own home. Maybe more so. For someone with AS, this is critical, and I was NOT comfy.

Did I complain? You bet. Did it get us anywhere....NOPE.

Trying to change a person with AS or Autism and their habits is a losing battle. Unless, it's a habit that is damaging them you can only deal with it and I'll give an example;

A long time ago I had a friend that was married to a man with severe OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). The disorder didn't disrupt their daily life in, or outside, the home, but he had quirks that took up time that they could spend together. He was highly and almost irrationally organized. Certain colored hangers for certain clothes, watches and sunglasses a certain way, etc. Initially, my friend didn't understand this need for order and it took up so much time that she just got frustrated. She felt that by encouraging it, it would make it worse. The opposite was true...By stressing him out he began organizing other things to de-stress. So, in an effort to save time one day, she hung his clothes on the hangers the way that he liked and put them in the closet the way that he hung them up. Pants going a certain way, shirts on the left. When he got home from work and realized the effort and love that she had put into the clothes in the closet he was very appreciative and felt very cared for and accepted. He was overcome enough to tell me about it for goodness sake:)

It's easy to criticize people's quirks, it's harder to accept them and harder still to dig into what creates and keeps them anchored there. The fastest way to find change is through acceptance and love.

Gas Dryer Heaven.....

I can't make small talk....Another Asperger's thing that I have always had that I thought was just a quirk of mine...I can't do that "Oh, hi, how are you....Blah, blah, blah...."

Again, there's a reason why I'm writing this....

Our new washer and dryer were supposed to be installed today....I say were, because the washer made it in, but the dryer went back to wherever dryers come from....Dryer heaven, I guess. Anyway, the installer (god forbid, he even gets THAT title) said that he couldn't put it in because of the pipe that was hooked up to our older than dirt dryer and that I needed a plumber to come out and put something on that would connect it properly to the new hose.

It's not my house....which I am politely reminded by words and actions every other day, so I call J at work.

I proceed to tell him, quickly and tersely that the gas dryer needs something (I don't speak Spanish) and that won't put the dryer in....Or turn the gas off. They DON'T do that....my husband was angry because I called him at work....He said that I yelled....I hung up on him twice, that much I do recall.

So, the ahem "Installers" leave....With said dryer and tell me to get a plumber and they will come back with my dryer.....I try and call J again, but there's no answer.

Anyone who knows Asperger's knows that we don't ask for help....It's just not in our DNA.

So, I set out to get a plumber....Last I heard, J didn't want to do this himself....Low and behold, one would be out in the afternoon to check it out and that would be that.

J WOULD BE SO PROUD OF ME FOR DEALING WITH THIS AND NOT BOTHERING HIM WITH IT!!!

So, J gets home and pulls in the driveway very late....he asks about the dryer and I tell him that they're coming back to install it on Saturday. He asks about the pipe, valve thing and I tell him that I had a plumber come out and fix it:) I was very excited and thought that he was going to be happy. I didn't realize that he was going to get angry with me for spending the money on it.

He ended up on the phone with Home Depot, mad at me for calling, then not calling...hiring a plumber....even though he said that he didn't want to do it himself....

Confused yet? I am:(