Missing My Connections....

I figure by now everyone has read Missed Connections on craigslist. If you've never heard of it, you live under a rock somewhere and you need to come join the rest of humanity. MC is where you can anonymously post a blurb about someone that you've seen that caught your eye somewhere along the way.

Or maybe you're lovelorn and just need to let it out...MC is a good place to post a blubbering snippet about the person that you lost 20 years ago.

I'll admit it...I look. Wondering if anyone ever notices me. Although, I guess I would have to leave the house for that to happen.

But, just imagine that there's a place in time where your eyes meet the eyes of that perfect someone. And you want to say something, but you don't...Then there's Craigslist.

At times it makes me wistful, but it reminds me that there are still romantic men in the world. Men that would see a woman and just a glance would be enough for them to put it all out there on the internet.

It's a beautiful thing.

My Leaving Self...and the Lobster

My daughter has had a fever for 6 days....STRAIGHT! Today was the first time that I have been out of the house other than a very short run last night. Am I being tested by the Powers That Be? Probably not...Do I want to slit my own wrists....Yup...

A couple of things about this that strike me as seriously funny in a sickly ironic way...

***When my daughter had a sinus infection and I was suing my ex for custody he was asking for hourly updates on how she was doing...Despite the fact that he gets NO cell reception at home. I barely heard from him over this holiday weekend. It took hours for him to call me back about what to do about her possibly missing the first day of school...weird, huh?

***My leaving self has emerged in a big way. I have had just about enough of being a doormat. Oddly, I get an out of the blue message from someone that I haven't heard from in a long time. This is when I have to remind myself that there is a reason that things end.

***J tells me, as he so often likes to detail these things out, that we haven't had sex in 8 days. So last night I offer something up...not the full monty, but something is better than nothing... Anyway, he says that he's tired. I can't compete. Tired??? You don't have to do ANYTHING! Just lay there and breathe for god's sake.

Anyway....I found the coolest thing on Youtube....

I am a huge Friends fan....

Somewhere, there's My Lobster....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPH_W7e5f8M

Communicating With The Dark Side....

I know that most of the time it seems that I just sit around and bitch about things in my relationship, but really this blog began as a way to help others with Asperger's to relate in their own partnerships. I have come to find out that relating to NT's can be like trying to talk under water. Impossible and deadly.

The final straw was when I was told that I was supported in getting custody of my daughter, but that he really doesn't want kids. Well, let me clue you in on something, Buddy...It's a package deal here. I thought that was clear?

I am giving up. My blog will now be about my effort to move on from this point...

And to figure out how to communicate with the dark side....NT's....

I'm a Bitch, Now Get Over It!

I haven't been around in a while and I can't give an adequate reason why...Maybe because it takes a tremendous amount of energy to try and not be myself. J...and I will have these knock down, drag out verbal fights that blow my mind and I just can't get my head around them.

Last night was so bizarre that I am on the fence on how to handle it. Or whether, or not to even bother. But then I think that that may be the answer he wants. I would be the first one to leave because he may not want his family to think he failed. The main points last night were:

I think he's a piece of shit...(I have NEVER said, written or implied this in any way). Yet, he thinks that I have because if I am not always saying positive things then it's all negative.

I put words in his mouth and tell him what to think. NewsFlash! I don't think he's happy....I told him this. If that's putting words in his mouth and telling him what he thinks....Guilty as charged!

I could have mental illness "you know, most people who are crazy think they're not". Yet, I would have no idea because working in in-patient psych for 3 and a half years taught me nothing because I don't have a Master's in psychiatry.

I really need to stop falling back on my Asperger's as an excuse for everything. How would he even know...he doesn't know a damn thing about it.

He needs more support at home....Wow! I loved this one. I want to know which fuck buddy fed him this one! More support.....Hmmmm, let's see, I;

1. Do your laundry...(but you can do that yourself)
2. Drop off and pick up your dry cleaning (see above parentheses)
3. Clean the house (It was clean before....Uh, really it wasn't)
4. Buy your suits
5. Shirts
6. Pick out your clothes (Yup, you can do this too...go for it....)


Consider the fact that you do NOTHING for me! I buy everything for myself....Who supports me, huh? Anyone patting me on the back? Nope! So, if J actually read my Blog, in some sort of parallel universe....My answer would be....

Who needs to do the work here? You are the NT....Your brain is the proper one.

And yes, I am a bitch in certain situations....THAT is not a blanket statement. Stop beating me up with it!

No Where Near Together....

This blog began as a way for me to hopefully help others like me (and their partners) deal with some of the struggles that can go along with the day to day stresses of having Asperger's and having to maintain any long term relationship. As time has gone on in my relationship, it has just gotten more bizarre.

Who knows why I can't keep things going in a relationship...If I knew, would I be writing this blog? I also wouldn't feel like a failure. Here's what I was told:

I will always be there for you.
I know that you have issues, that's ok. I can handle it.
"You know what I love about Jenn, she can just deal with things and smile and keep going sometimes...I've learned that from her. She's a better person than I am."
I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere.
You make me a better man.

All I want is someone that wants a life together...we may live in the same house, but were not anywhere near together.

Down With Hallmark....Love Is Not Enough!!

It's probably better that I have little to no people reading this blog...Because this entry is going to be a doozy....

Ok, I'm going to say it.....

I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE!

I think it's a huge crock made up by the movie industry and Hallmark. Come on, if you're about to sign out, you can't honestly think that you haven't heard this before? I am NOT the first person that has ever said this. The thing that people call "love" is a chemical process that slowly disintegrates over time and whatever you're left with is the rest of the story (a lasting relationship, or a break-up).

It's called compatibility, people. Why haven't we grasped that yet? E-harmony has....that's why they give you a million and 1 questions. They know that in the end, you have to LIKE the person and their values.

If your relationship becomes really hard to maintain and you ask someone, "Why are you with me?" and their answer is "Because I love you"....

RUN!

Love is not real.

Dirty socks are real. Your stuff, their stuff.....That's real. These things need to be worked out before you decide that you are in it for the long haul. Living together is great....Write down your expectations. Be honest.

Be worse than honest. Be Brutal...Do you fart in the middle of the night? Tell the person you care about that you could send a neighborhood underground in fear of their lives.....

Are you a slob? Make your place ten times worse and invite your significant other over to see the reaction....

Are you up with the sun....Do they sleep in?....this may not be huge now....You LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEE the person right now. Just wait. When your honey is complaining that you are being too loud at 10am and half of your day is shot to hell.....It will happen when they get comfy enough to start giving you a hard time....

My Grandmother always said to marry your best friend. I would have, except he was a 6 foot 5 inch gay man and not terribly interested in me that way. It makes sense though, doesn't it? Your best friend embodies all of the qualities that you have. You don't choose friends that are polar opposites.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!!!! You need understanding, truth, caring and connection. Honesty about who you are. Understanding about what happens when two lives merge. Caring enough about each other to handle the speedbumps.

And the true connection that will keep you together through the tough times. Love is a myth. A card that I threw in the trash a long time ago.

By the way, I am not a cynic, I am a realist.

Karma's a Bitch, Just Wait and See....

My ex-husband has decided to try again to make my life miserable AGAIN...He told me that he received a letter from the IRS stating that they would like him for an interview about me and some "unreported" income I supposedly had last year.

Unreported....I would have liked any extra income! PERIOD!!!! Let's see...How obvious can you be really....He said that it was an anonymous tip, right....right.....

Let's be logical here:

1. We go to court next week because he wasn't paying child support for our daughter....

2. When he decided he wasn't going to accept his responsibility, I raised the amount that I wanted him to pay in the motion....

3. In an e-mail that he sent me he brought up the fact that I DON'T need the support anyway because we have enough money......

4. He told me that he "researched" what could happen if the IRS decides that I do have unreported income and owe them money....(I'm trying to figure out money from what?) Why would anyone research that.....Unless they had an ulterior motive....Huh?

5. He's always mentioning the expensive "vacations" that I'm going on and bags that I have etc. (Well, considering the amount of money that he makes, if he would save a little, he could do the same thing.)

So, here's what I have.....A VW Beetle, a neurotic dog that sheds under stress, a few Louis Vuitton bags that my husband gave me the money for after much pleading....and a deadbeat ex-husband that just won't pay child support.

Funny, I wouldn't think the IRS would be all that interested in that....I filed my meager earnings from the Army last year....

My question is; Why would they be interviewing my ex?

Karma's a bitch, just watch out....